Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar.
From Diary:-For a day or two we have been plowing among an
invisible vast wilderness of islands, catching now and then a
shadowy glimpse of a member of it. There does seem to be a
prodigious lot of islands this year; the map of this
region is freckled and fly-specked all over with them. Their number would seem to be uncountable. We are moving among the Fijis now-224 islands and islets in the group. In front of us, to the west, the
wilderness stretches toward Australia, then curves upward to New Guinea, and still up and up to Japan; behind us, to the east, the
wilderness stretches sixty degrees across the wastes of the Pacific; south of us is New Zealand. Somewhere or other among these myriads Samoa is
concealed, and not discoverable on the map. Still, if you wish to go there, you will have no trouble about finding it if you follow the directions given by Robert Louis Stevenson to Dr. Conan Doyle and to Mr. J. M. Barrie. "You go to America,
cross the
continent to San Francisco, and then it's the second turning to the left." To get the full flavor of the joke one must take a
glance at the map.
In the afternoon we sighted Suva, the
capital of the group, and threaded our way into the
secluded little harbor-a
placid basin of
brilliant blue and green water tucked snugly in among the sheltering hills. A few ships rode at
anchor in it-one of them a sailing
vessel flying the American
flag; and they said she came from Duluth! There's a
journey! Duluth is
several thousand miles from the sea, and yet she is
entitled to the
proud name of Mistress of the Commercial Marine of the United States of America. There is only one free,
independent, unsubsidized American ship sailing the
foreign seas, and Duluth owns it. All by itself that ship is the American
fleet. All by itself it causes the American name and
power to be respected in the far regions of the
globe. All by itself it certifies to the world that the most
populous civilized nation, in the
earth has a just
pride in her
stupendous stretch of sea-front, and is
determined to
assert and
maintain her rightful place as one of the Great Maritime Powers of the Planet. All by itself it is making
foreign eyes
familiar with a Flag which they have not seen before for forty years, outside of the
museum. For what Duluth has done, in building, equipping, and maintaining at her
sole expense the American Foreign Commercial Fleet, and in
thus rescuing the American name from
shame and lifting it high for the
homage of the nations, we owe her a
debt of
gratitude which our hearts shall
confess with quickened beats whenever her name is named henceforth. Many
national toasts will die in the
lapse of time, but while the
flag flies and the Republic survives, they who live under their
shelter will still drink this one, standing and uncovered: Health and
prosperity to Thee, O Duluth, American Queen of the Alien Seas!
Row-boats began to
flock from the
shore; their crews were the first natives we had seen. These men carried no overplus of clothing, and this was
wise, for the
weather was hot. Handsome, great dusky men they were,
muscular, clean-limbed, and with faces full of
character and
intelligence. It would be hard to find their superiors anywhere among the dark races, I should think.
Everybody went
ashore to look around, and spy out the land, and have that
luxury of luxuries to sea-voyagers-a land-dinner. And there we saw more natives: Wrinkled old women, with their flat mammals flung over their shoulders, or hanging down in front like the cold-
weather drip from the molasses-faucet; plump and smily young girls,
blithe and
content, easy and
graceful, a pleasure to look at; young matrons, tall,
straight,
comely, nobly built, sweeping by with chin up, and a
gait incomparable for
unconscious stateliness and
dignity;
majestic young men-athletes for build and muscle-clothed in a loose
arrangement of
dazzling white, with bronze breast and bronze legs naked, and the head a cannon-swab of
solid hair combed
straight out from the skull and
dyed a rich brick-red. Only sixty years ago they were sunk in darkness; now they have the bicycle.
We strolled about the streets of the white folks' little town, and around over the hills by paths and roads among European dwellings and gardens and plantations, and past clumps of hibiscus that made a body blink, the great blossoms were so intensely red; and by and by we stopped to ask an
elderly English
colonist a question or two, and to
sympathize with him concerning the
torrid weather; but he was surprised, and said:
"This? This is not hot. You ought to be here in the summer time once."
"We
supposed that this was summer; it has the ear-marks of it. You could take it to almost any country and
deceive people with it. But if it isn't summer, what does it
lack?"
"It lacks half a year. This is mid-winter."
I had been
suffering from colds for
several months, and a sudden change of season, like this, could hardly fail to do me hurt. It brought on another cold. It is odd, these sudden jumps from season to season. A
fortnight ago we left America in mid-summer, now it is midwinter; about a week
hence we shall
arrive in Australia in the spring.
After dinner I found in the billiard-room a
resident whom I had known somewhere else in the world, and
presently made some new friends and drove with them out into the country to visit his Excellency the head of the State, who was occupying his country
residence, to
escape the rigors of the winter
weather, I
suppose, for it was on breezy high ground and much more
comfortable than the lower regions, where the town is, and where the winter has full swing, and often sets a person's hair afire when he takes off his hat to bow. There is a
noble and beautiful view of ocean and islands and castellated peaks from the
governor's high-placed house, and its
immediate surroundings lie drowsing in that dreamy
repose and
serenity which are the
charm of life in the Pacific Islands.
One of the new friends who went out there with me was a large man, and I had been admiring his size all the way. I was still admiring it as he stood by the
governor on the
veranda, talking; then the Fijian butler stepped out there to
announce tea, and dwarfed him. Maybe he did not quite dwarf him, but at any rate the
contrast was quite
striking. Perhaps that dark giant was a king in a
condition of
political suspension. I think that in the talk there on the
veranda it was said that in Fiji, as in the Sandwich Islands,
native kings and chiefs are of much grander size and build than the commoners. This man was clothed in flowing white vestments, and they were just the thing for him; they comported well with his great
stature and his kingly
port and
dignity. European clothes would have degraded him and made him
commonplace. I know that, because they do that with everybody that wears them.
Fiji was ceded to England by this king in 1858. One of the gentlemen present at the
governor's quoted a made by the king at the time of the session-a neat
retort, and with a touch of
pathos in it, too. The English Commissioner had offered a crumb of
comfort to Thakombau by saying that the
transfer of the
kingdom to Great Britain was
merely "a sort of hermit-crab
formality, you know." "Yes," said poor Thakombau, "but with this difference-the crab moves into an unoccupied shell, but
mine isn't."
However, as far as I can make out from the books, the King was between the devil and the deep sea at the time, and hadn't much
choice. He owed the United States a large
debt-a
debt which he could pay if allowed time, but time was denied him. He must pay up right away or the warships would be upon him. To
protect his people from this
disaster he ceded his country to Britain, with a
clause in the
contract providing for the
ultimate payment of the American
debt.
In old times the Fijians were
fierce fighters; they were very
religious, and worshiped idols; the big chiefs were
proud and
haughty, and they were men of great
style in many ways; all chiefs had
several wives, the biggest chiefs sometimes had as many as fifty; when a chief was dead and ready for
burial, four or five of his wives were strangled and put into the
grave with him. In 1804 twenty-seven British convicts escaped from Australia to Fiji, and brought guns and
ammunition with them. Consider what a
power they were, armed like that, and what an
opportunity they had. If they had been
energetic men and
sober, and had had brains and known how to use them, they could have achieved the
sovereignty of the
archipelago twenty-seven kings and each with eight or nine islands under his
scepter. But nothing came of this chance. They lived
worthless lives of sin and
luxury, and died without honor-in most cases by
violence. Only one of them had any
ambition; he was an Irishman named Connor. He tried to
raise a family of fifty children, and scored forty-eight. He died lamenting his
failure. It was a
foolish sort of
avarice. Many a father would have been rich enough with forty.
It is a fine race, the Fijians, with brains in their heads, and an inquiring turn of mind. It appears that their
savage ancestors had a
doctrine of
immortality in their
scheme of religion-with limitations. That is to say, their dead friend would go to a happy
hereafter if he could be accumulated, but not otherwise. They drew the line; they thought that the
missionary's
doctrine was too sweeping, too
comprehensive. They called his
attention to certain facts. For
instance, many of their friends had been devoured by sharks; the sharks, in their turn, were caught and eaten by other men; later, these men were captured in war, and eaten by the enemy. The
original persons had entered into the
composition of the sharks; next, they and the sharks had become part of the flesh and blood and bone of the cannibals. How, then, could the particles of the
original men be searched out from the
final conglomerate and put together again? The inquirers were full of doubts, and
considered that the
missionary had not examined the
matter with the
gravity and
attention which so
serious a thing deserved.